The other day, sitting on my lazy ass and sipping Karak Chai, I was watching a leading Nationalist TV channel. Don’t be surprised. In India everything – people and even things – are given ‘national’ and ‘anti-national’ tags. Anti-national people are meant to go Pakistan. But these low lives forcibly stay here. All anti-national things are to be dumped, discarded and gutted. I don’t like going to Pakistan, in fact no one wants, so I always do things considered as ‘national.’ Even I watch nationalist TV channels.
I over-sipped the hot Karak Chai and let out a loud grunt in pain when the nationalist news anchor spelled out the salient features of the state of art upcoming new Rs. 2000/- note.
Each note will be fitted with a micro nano GPS chip.
‘Micro nano? What the fuck is this?” I pondered as I baffled the use of words ‘micro’ and ‘nano’ together. If micro is a small unit nano is the smallest and often invisible. It does not make sense jotting together, does it?
As I listened aptly the anchor warned all black money hoarders that their good days are good as over. If they try hoard the new Rs. 2000 notes, the ‘micro nano GPS’ will immediately alert the authority via an invisible satellite that orbit relentlessly in the sky and connect to the notes like a magnetic field. Not only that. The GPS chip can even inform the authority where the poor notes are hidden and in what quantity. There is another indigenous tech embedded in the note. This is specially designed to outfox the over-smart hoarders who dig grounds to store their black money. The notes, like a damsel in distress, can scream for help even from beneath 120 meter..
Wow. I was simply amazed.
Next moment I wondered if there is any technology in the notes to prevent themselves being carried to non-signal regions by ultra-smart black money hoarders. India has many non-signal regions where satellites don’t work. My doubt got cleared by a nationalist friend in the office. He informed if anyone tries to take the notes out of the range, the notes will self-destruct using an ancient nuclear-type tech.
Another ultra-nationalist friend explained me what I heard in the TV news this morning was a mere tip of iceberg. There are more to it. As he said, the new note also uses a Vedic technology that can detect ‘nationalist’ and ‘anti-national.’ For instance, when it falls in the hand of a anti-national it secretly relay the info to the authority. If an anti-national tries to use the note to buy arms or Beef Biryani, a high alarm goes off alerting the authority about an anti-national act is about to take place.
I happily wasted all my day thinking about the Desi currency note we invented that can put modern currencies like Dollar and Euro to shame. While I was surfing internet that night I discovered one more feature. When rubbed with cotton or dipped in water these notes magically loose their colours. Wait, anti-nationals! This is not a quality issue. It is deliberately done to counter counterfeit notes. For example, when a person gives you a note, you can easily test whether it is counterfeit or not. You just have to rub a cotton. If the note does not looses its colour you can be sure the note is counterfeit.
I was stunned.
Finally, we got a currency worthy to be declared as Best Currency in the World by UNESECO. I thought before going to bed.