For a non-frequent flyer like me, flying two or three times every year gives me same thrill as an edge-of-the-seat Indo-Pak cricket thriller. A pleasant flight experience sets the ball rolling for the travel that I had painstakingly researched and planned for weeks. And, a perfect return flight feels like a soothing balm to my tired ass. But then there is this airline, whose mere name takes craps out of me.
The moment I go for check-in, the horror story starts and escalates during the flight. I breathe a sigh of relief only when I collect my baggage at destination.
By now you might have guessed the name. I am talking none other than Air India.
More often than not I realized the airline flights are not as pleasant as flyswatter across the nipples as the airline tends to advertise to us. Save the somewhat good free food, there is absolutely nothing good to brag about. Imagine a situation: you just have pulled your pant over your ass and suddenly a SMS flashes on your mobile informing rescheduling of your flight. No fucking explanation offered for the mess.
What do you do? Nothing.
Those messages sound to me like ‘Dude, either fucking adjust or fuck off with your wretched trip’.
I feel helpless like a man on broken boat across vast expanse of transatlantic sea. I have no choice but opt for that dreaded name to fly to places where private airlines don’t provide service. Then there are times where no ticket available with private airlines because you are minutes late or tickets have been sold out. You can’t help but reluctantly scroll down your cursor to that red-bate-flying type of logo. That is like punishment for complacency.
95% of my flights in that airline turned out to be horrendous. Those goddamn experiences have now transformed into bad memories that taunt me like an evil spirit. I am penning this piece with hope of kicking the bad memories out of my mind.
The other day I go to Delhi airport for check-in. I was a bit early because I did not want to give the airline an excuse this time to ruin my trip once again like they had done many times before.
Then the worst I fear happens. That bitch over the counter scolds me of a kind for having reached airport early. She furiously scribbles something on the ticket and shoves it back towards me. The bitch has marked the ticket to a ‘waiting counter’ – a counter for lazy asses who reach airport at eleventh hour. Before I could react the man behind me in the queue pushed me aside.
Reaching waiting counter, I hand over the ticket to another young woman sitting across the counter. After glancing over the ticket she gives it back. “Counter not opened yet. Come after 15 minutes.” She says curtly. I feel doleful of facing another airline bitch.
After painful waiting for some 20 minutes again I go back to the counter. She asks another 15 minutes. I realized my phobic thoughts about airline now are taking shape.
Having passed those excruciating 15 minutes, I return to the counter. Now some other passengers have gathered. I stand last in the queue. When my turn comes the bitch informs me that there is only one pass left and she cannot give that to me. I felt as if a sharp nail was driven into my heart. I lose my cool and an heated argument ensues.
Me: I am standing here since ages. Why the fuck you’ve problem giving me a boarding pass?
Bitch: (Agitatedly) I said I can’t. Only one seat left.
Me: Can’t you see? I have a confirmed ticket. (I flash the ticket in front of her face. Actually I felt like smashing the ticket on her face and knocking her down back.)
Bitch: You are in waiting list. (Obviously, her ass seemed had not gotten a chance yet to sit on a flight.)
Me: (Sarcastically) Since when airlines started having waiting list?
Bitch: There are other passengers. Only one seat left.
Me: (With loud scream) So what? I have reached first.
(At the moment a senior man from nearby counter rushes to her and intervenes. Finally, she gives me the boarding pass grudgingly.)
Me: Thanks. Lady like you deserves to serve executives in Virgin Atlantic flights.
(Without waiting for her reaction I rush for security check.)
I forgot to mention this incident happened when I was going to a state capital on my first job posting. The bad experience snatched a big part of my joy away.
Air India people, you guys suck. I won’t even give you one star. You guys deserve a big rip from my diddlyhole on your face.
(Note: Of course the post should not be viewed in a generalized way about Air India people. In few instances I had very pleasant experiences with both ground staffs and flight attendants.)